(New York) - In a bid to once-and-for-all out-position its competitor, SIRIUS Satellite Radio announced today a strategic partnership with God. According to the deal – heralded by trumpets with a special appearance by Gabriel himself - God confirmed he will be doing his own Sunday show beginning in July.
“We’re very excited to have God on our team,” remarked SIRIUS’ Vice President of Innovative Programming, Alex Artis. “He brings a wealth of knowledge – well, all knowledge really – to what promises to be a compelling 4 hour show Sunday evenings tentatively to be called All Things Considered At The Same Time – Because I’m Omnipotent and I Can.
When asked if this new commitment would interfere with being the all-knowing creator, the disembodied voice of God came to a SIRIUS public relations staffer during a dream and said, “Honestly, I’ve had Sunday off for years. This will be good for me. You know: get out of the cosmos for a while, stretch my legs. It’s been quite a while since I spoke the given word through a human voice and look at what happened the last time I did that! Yeah, I’m ready to shake things up a little.”
“We’re going to call it Godcasting,” added the Supreme Being. “I originally gave the idea to Adam Curry in a vision but he’s a little hard of hearing and thought I said “Podcasting”. Putz. So, that got all screwed up. No mind. I’m really psyched about the new show.”
Not to be outdone, XM Satellite Radio immediately issued a press release announcing a strategic partnership with several Greek gods including: Zeus, the Olympian; Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love; Hades, King of the Underworld; and Athene, Goddess of Wisdom. Zeus will be anchoring a new sports channel, Aphrodite will hosts a show similar to “Loveline”, Hades will offer several programs on the occult and spells, and Athene has been tapped to do a daily advice show.
“We’ve very excited to have these notable figures from Greek mythology on our team,” remarked XM’s Vice President of Innovative Programming, Andrea Gelt. “The Greek Gods are a real treasure - untapped for way too long when it comes to compelling programming. Plus, as a bonus, Erinyes, Punisher of the Unfaithful, has cut a separate agreement to kill any XM subscriber who even thinks of switching over to SIRIUS. As you can imagine, we’re very stoked!”
- From Non-Existent XM and SIRIUS Satellite Radio Press Releases
